ARTICLES ABOUT LILLIAN

Women learning to be assertive

"That was music," observed Lillian Zarzar as a room full of women finished communicating introductions to each other. Communication was the topic of Zarzar's talk during "Strategies for Women," a seminar given at OSU Lima recently.

The recent seminar was offered in observance of March - Women's History Month as a chance for women to spend a day considering issues unique to their gender.

"Every aspect of human behavior communicates something," said Zarzar, admissions counselor at OSU Lima. "Verbal communication is what you say and non-verbal communication is how you say it.

"The meaning is in the receiver, how he perceives the message," she added. "How something is said may counteract what is said. The non-verbal behavior communicates intent."

Zarzar's talk centered around the comparison of women and men in their communication styles.

"Men talk more intently and control the space," Zarzar said, ' But, it's not that they're more domineering, women tend to allow men to dominate."

The speaker explained that women tend to have a low self-esteem when talking to men. "Women stop talking immediately when men start to speak," she said. "It's the sex of the receiver, not the source, that determines the dominant role."

This is important, Zarzar conceded, because dominance in the work force is related to job satisfaction. "Women are just learning to challenge and when they do they exceed men's expectations," she said.

Men tend to be more accurate, concrete and subdued when communicating, she explained. Women tend to be more abstract, demonstrative and emotional. Men ere more analytical and focus on problems. Women are more informative and are considered more attentive.

But, Zarzar said, "women should capitalize on their differences," using the characteristics of female communicative behavior to their advantage.

"Women focus more on people and are more social," Zarzar said. "In management they have a more open style than men. They're more adaptable and resilient."

Zarzar thinks the ideal situation would be a merging of gender-related communication styles. "We tend to think of male-female behavior because men have dominated for so long that we all have to adapt to male behavior," she said. "The development should be, instead, toward human behavior." This merger would mean conscious effort and adaptation for both sexes.

"Men need to learn there's nothing wrong with display of emotion," Zarzar said. "Men don't understand feeling, just thinking. Females exhibit more positive behavior because of their sensitivity."

As for women who are mothers, "daughters use you as examples," she said. "Allow your daughter to assert herself in certain situations."

Zarzar sees that women have already made this step with positive results. "Women are beginning to like women more," she said. "They're looking at themselves as human first, then as women.

"We have perceived men as positive and right because we have let them dominate for so long," she continued. "We need to learn to speak with more authority."

Zarzar added that in marriage situations women will eventually dominate communicative behavior. Many of the women in the group asked what to do to keep from crying when confronting a conflict. Zarzar suggested not stifling tears. "Crying can be seen as a strength or cartharsis," she said. "If we let young boys cry more they would grow up to be better adjusted."

The speaker's suggestions for facing conflicts that are emotionally upsetting are to cry first, then rationally address each aspect of the conflict.

"Communication is a balance between reason and passion," she said. "We need to maintain that balance."